This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
