I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
