I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
