problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
