at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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