yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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