you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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