At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
