how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
