Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
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