i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
