O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
