you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
