Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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