I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
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