After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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