i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Randomize
