I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
