yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
