I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
