you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
