You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Randomize
