I could have mohawked her pubes.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
