I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
