By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
