Swine flu. Run for my life!
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
