I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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