I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
