If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Randomize
