I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
