So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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