You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
So vagazzling was a success
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
