I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
