He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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