Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
