IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
