No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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