remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
