There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
