I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
