if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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