Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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