I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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