Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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