let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Randomize
