Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
