when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
