First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
