my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
We were destined to go to rehab together
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
