literally had 100 drinks last night.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
