i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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