Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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