Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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