Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
