So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
