We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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