how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
